Empty Fridge Space.

Empty fridge space would be nice right now.  I don't know about you, but seeing a packed fridge makes me anxious.  It means that something is happening.  Someone is coming.  The Cleaning Nazi is stirring from its slumber, preparing to unleash its fury on to a poor little Meeg-Meeg.

Saturday, 21st of August, it did.

It was kind of expected, since that happened to be the day of my 18th birthday gathering at my house.  As you may have previously realised, I kinda/sorta/maybe/probably/DEFINATELY have a problem with people being in my house.  But I have to seem like a normal person every once in a while, so I usually do stuff around my birthday.

When there's large numbers of people coming to your house, you gotta feed 'em.  Hence the sudden need for fridge space.  Its full of food purchased to fill someone else's stomach, and none for the inhabitants of the house.  Unfortunately, I fall under the "inhabitant" category.

Other than the food, the gathering was a moderate success. Sort of.  I just kept repeating to myself "As long as the close friends turn up, it wasn't a complete waste of time".  Well, most of the close friends turned up.  But that wasn't enough.  I feel a bit let down, and also a bit selfish for being let down.  It led to me being pretty miserable and tired all night.  The mood lifted slightly when stuff started catching on fire.  Nothing serious though.

Since the "party" was a failure, I thought, "well, going into town should be fun".  Seeing as though people have been harassing me about how awesomely amazing it is and how they go out every weekend and I'm missing out in the greatest thing ever and they're so excited that I'll be able to go and oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god town boys drinking awesome awesome oh my god wasting money eighteen boys dance oh my god.  So, yeah.  I cop this pretty much every day for a few month, and now that it's here, what do I get?  No money don't feel like drinking it's overrated town sucks I thought you were more mature than that they spike you're drinks you're dressing like a prostitute waste of money don't you have anything better to do you're going to fail uni now blah blah blah blah.


I don't know what to think anymore.  So I think I'll just talk about something else that  doesn't make me so angry.  Like psychology... Wait.


I've been trying to revise for my mid-semester psych exam.  Its not working too well.  Week 1 and 2 was the same as week 1 and 2 from last semester, so one would think that I already know it.   I'd think that too.  But I just get the feeling that I haven't done enough, and I don't know anything about this subject that I've been doing for 6 months longer than most of my peers.  Week 3 and 4 is a new-ish topic, which was sort of covered in senior high school biology.  Once again, I don't know if I know enough to do an exam on it.

There's a website you can sign up to and do chapter reviews and quizzes and stuff.  It makes me angry.  Like everything in psychology, its all very vague and difficult to navigate and I'm pretty sure its some sort of trap.   Especially when it tells me stuff like "Sorry, that was correct".

Everything in psychology is a trap.  EVERYTHING.  In like week 2 of last semester, they presented us with a "fun" tutorial exercise about how a experiment is done.  Five weeks later: BAM.  You know that "fun" thing we did a million years ago?  No?  Well, that's good.  We need a 1500 word lab report on it.  You don't know what a lab report is?  Even better!  You can add that to your list of stuff to learn.

You know what else makes me angry? Y'know how I was all angry about the Father trying to read over my shoulder?  Now, the Mother is hanging around, pretending to do stuff to read over my shoulder and/or steal the computer.  She can't do that.  I'm stressed as hell, thanks to her.  She sees that I'm clearly doing something, and offers to take me out to buy whatever junk food I want.  I clearly can't take her up on her offer, because I have to study, and I can't neglect it to stuff my face with junk.  If I did, she'd make all sorts of comments on how big my thighs are.

She can fucking leave me alone or I'll punch something in the throat.  Funnily enough, the more she hovers, the closer her throat is to punching range.

 I want to go for a drive.  Meaning, I want to just sit in the back of a moving car for hours at a time, just listening to music.  Being in cars and eating are the only 2 things in life that make me feel better, since everything else in life is an utter disappointment. And I can't do either without being called a selfish money waster.  Oh well.

I'm getting this awful feeling inside me now.  Lately, I've been constantly hungry, even after I just ate.  I don't know why, but the feeling is constant.  Normally, I just eat out of boredom or some sort of emotional pain.  But now, its out of physical hunger pains.  My stomach has been making sounds louder than my normal speaking voice.  That's a bit worrying.

Right now, its not hunger.  It's just discomfort.  This, coupled with the stress of tomorrow's exams, the disappointment of the weekend, and a lifetime of expectations that I can't live up to, makes me pretty damn unhappy right now. 

Out of curiosity, I just did a word count.  Nearly 1000 words.  Why can't I do this for assignments?  Just sit down and type and type and produce something that will get me through to the next semester, like this will hopefully get me through the night.

That's the worst part of these moods.  I know that all I need to do is get through the night.  But it always feels like I'll never make it.  The only person I want to talk to right now isn't available for talking, and they don't give a damn anyway.

I think I should just stop now and go back to raging at Darwin's theory of Giving Undergrads Unnecessary Amounts of Study.