The Phantom Corn Popper.

1.  I'm going to do a numbered list, rather than a proper, paragraph structured blog, because I don't really have much to say about anything in particular.

2.  I work in a toy store.  This may seem fantastic for all you non-toy-store-employees, but its not all that great.  Don't get me wrong, most of it is great, and I'm not planning on leaving any time soon.  BUT.  The store is seriously a death trap.  Here are some common occurrences:

-Crap falling from shelves on to heads, usually with the pointy bits hitting you in the eye.

-Random unsanitary goo finding its way into children's clothes.

-People (staff and customers alike) falling in every possible direction, such as down stairs, up ladders, up stairs, down ladders, over boxes/children/the occasional dog.

-Finding animals in strange places, like dogs in the warehouse, rats in the nursery, dead possums in bike shop, and these tiny humanoid creatures called children: we kind of have an infestation of the weird little buggers.

-Finding cuts all over your body.  I am covered in tiny cuts, and I am becoming immune to the pain they cause, which is good I suppose.  On a related note, I was on break today, and I felt something strange in my back.  I later have a look at where the feeling is coming from, and I have these giant cuts down the middle of my back.  It looks like I got raked (yes, raked, not raped).

-Some people believe that there may be some sort of poltergeist, due to all the random shit falling unexpectedly, lights flickering, strange noises in some parts of the store, and the fact that something raked me.

-Fisher Price corn poppers.  Google it if you don't recognise the name, but everyone's seen them.  If you put too many of them together, they somehow make a god-awful noise.  I don't know how, since they're made of plastic and styrofoam, but they create like a really high pitched whining sound.  So high pitched, that you can't really hear it unless you're in complete silence, for example, doing nightfill in that aisle.  Its so high, that you aren't sure if its real or you're imagining it, until you bump into them and they stop.  Either way, it scares the shit out of me.  Maybe we don't have a poltergeist.  It might just be a phantom corn popper.

Anyway, that's enough for number 2 on my list.

3.  My blog-writing friend (whose blog tempted me into starting this in the first place) has been nagging me all afternoon about updating, so here it is.  It may seem like I'm taking ages, but believe me, when I do update, its always long enough to satisfy you.

4.  Isn't it always fun to get text messages while you're at work?  I know you aren't supposed to have your phone on you, because you should be working.  But let's ignore that for the moment.  When you receive messages at work, its like it  affirms your existence.  It says to you "Yes, even if you are stuck in the one building for an ungodly amount of time, there is still life outside of its walls, and these life forms are taking the time to think about you".  I'm definitely overthinking this, since the messages weren't particularly deep and meaningful and life affirming, they were the sort that you wouldn't really want to show your grandmother.  Even if it was a bit crude, its still nice to know that someone's thinking about you.

5.  Some of my friends may be aware that I am completely in love with halterneck dresses/tops/whatever.  Sometimes I say I like it because it makes the wearer look classy and elegant.  Really, its because of its well known effect of making breasts look larger.  I like that.  Anyway, readers.  You may rejoice, I have found another halterneck dress to add to my collection.  I now have a black one, and a bright blue one, both of which look stunning.

6.  I have been doing a criminology assignment on the CSI Effect.  Basically, I've been trying to write 1500 words on how TV makes people stupid.  They watch CSI, and expect TV magic to happen in real life crime cases when they are part of the jury.  In my research, I have found some strange stuff.
  
     a.  A prison inmate was caught with drugs in his rectum.  The jury did not have an excrement sample to confirm that the drugs were indeed in his rectum, and not in someone else's.

     b.  In another prison, a syringe was found next to a note signed by a certain inmate.  When approached, the inmate had syringe marks on his arm, and admitted it was his, yet the police did not do a handwriting analysis on the note, so they would not convict him.

     c.  A man sped past police in a stolen car.  When he was arrested, the jury demanded fingerprint tests done on the car, to prove that he was in the car that he was driving (because, apparently, you don't have to be in the car to be seen driving it?).

     d.  A man was acquitted of an attempted murder charge because there was no "scientific evidence",  after hearing the good news, he promptly hunted down his girlfriend and repeatedly stabbed her to death.

The bottom line of my argument is:  People are stupid.

7.  I recently turned 18, as I may have mentioned in some other blog.  This means I can (legally) enter nightclubs.  And I have been doing so.  Anyway.  I was there the other night, sitting there casually while my friends were doing god-knows-what.  I already made a point of finding THEM males to use and abuse in whichever way they please.  I personally am already in a strange sort of agreement with a male, and so I am not even slightly interested in jumping through the hoops to get a new one.

Well, I was trying all night to find friends for my friends, but they were being all wishy-washy standard girl stuff.  They go to do something somewhere, and I am left sitting on a couch.  There's a guy with a bunch of other people about a metre to my left.  He beckons me over, and we begin to talk.  I'm thinking friendly chatting, and apparently he's thinking something different.  He seemed quite confident when he tried to kiss me on the hand/shoulder/cheek/lips, and I realised he never actually asked me if I was comfortable with any of it.  He never asked about any other people I may or may not be involved with.  If he had, I would  happily tell him that I was not looking for anyone, and that I was here for my friends.  But, for some reason, the topic never came up.

He asked me to go outside with him so he could smoke (LOLOLOLOL SMOKER) so I did.  Ah, fresh air, and a noise level suitable for conversation.  Still, the topic never came up.  I just thought, well, I'll give him some way to contact me, and I'll run for the hills so the awkward "I guess I've been leading you on by talking to you" conversation never comes up.  Guess what?  He has no phone.  How come everyone in the developed world has a phone, except for the people that I encounter?

Anyway, went back inside, saw pretty much everyone I know but don't really talk to (funny how people go "OH MY GOD I DON'T TALK TO YOU EVER BUT LET'S HUG ANYWAY" in nightclubs) and found my friends.  I'll skip over like an hour or so, since pretty much nothing happened.  We went back outside again (god knows why), but this time with my friends.  Finally, they were able to correctly identify my uncomfortable body language, and we left, after a very awkward "I'm leaving for no apparent reason" conversation with this guy.

If for some reason you read all this, and you realise, hey, this sounds exactly like me you're describing, then yes, it is you.  I used a lot of commas in that sentence.  Back on track, if this is about you, then I'm sorry about the other night, if you feel I may have led you on or anything.  It wasn't intentional.  You're a nice guy, but I'm not really emotionally available right now (emotionally available - sounds like something out of a dating advice column, but it means that regardless of my married/single/other status, I am personally not able to commit myself to a relationship with you).

I've kind of forgotten my point now.  Maybe there wasn't a point.


8. (I think this is 8, not really sure)  On my desk, I've created a sort of collage of photos from the last 3 years or so of my life.  I've seen lots of other people do it, and I've always looked at it, thinking "wow, this person has so many great memories with friends".  Looking at mine, yes, I have some great memories with friends. But these randomly pasted together images don't accurately reflect my life, because it doesn't show all the stress and pain of the parts in between.

For example, there's a photo from a sports day with people in costumes.  It looks all happy and fun, but leading up to that moment (and even after) there was plenty of arguments, tears, and dirty looks tossed around by all.  Another photo, from film and tv class, doesn't depict the race against time that came in the form of an assignment, which was being completed while the photo was taken. Another one is from a friend's birthday party, and everyone that night was angry at each other, because some chose to go to several other parties that same night, before eventually turning up around midnight.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, because these experiences make me who I am.  But, never again will I look at a photo album of collage and ignore all the happenings between each photo, because what you don't see is just as important as what you do see.

9.  On a lighter note, I have been on lecture recess, and I will be until Monday (Its Saturday now).  I know that right now, I feel stressed and worried about uni, and I'm looking forward to this semester being over, so I get a break and have a chance to save some money (Toy store job + Christmas =$$$$$).  BUT.  I know once uni is finished, after maybe  3 weeks of holidays, I'll be sick of being at home or work all the time, and I'll want to go back to uni.  Oh well.

10.  I have a chihuahua called Butters.  Being a chihuahua, he is quite small, regardless of what size he believes he is.  This size can pose a problem.  He is not a guard dog, and if anyone comes into the yard to steal stuff, they'll probably take him too.  Anyway, we just have him because he'll bark at stuff.  And bark he does.  He's a good little alarm system.  The problem is, what he perceives as a threat is not actually a threat to anyone but him.  Namely, the possums that live in the tree near his bed.  I thought it was funny how they sat in the tree while the dog lost his shit, hopping around on the ground.  However, the other morning, I realized that this situation was far more serious than I thought.  The entire side of the house was a battlefield, and the possums were victorious.  Butters has a little igloo type thing with a dog mattress (which we call his hump rag) and all his toys in it.  The hump rag was over in a completely different part of the yard, and his toys were everywhere, including places that the dog could never reach.  Dog food was spread out all along the side of the house. I believe that possums have co-ordinated an attack against my dog... Bastards.

Well, that's about all for now.  I also have realized that I easily wrote a 1500 word blog post in one go, but I've been agonizing about my 1500 word essay for about a week now.